Mayhem at the Market

My mother-in-law wrote this about the experience her husband had at the store. We all thought it was pretty funny. I don't think he thought it was very funny though!

Mayhem at the Market

I headed to the market after I had fed the cows

To get myself some goodies and some Pepsi for my spouse.

I gathered up some peanuts and candy for myself

And a big 2-liter bottle of Pepsi from the shelf.

The check-out line was crowded as I stood in line to pay,

And my thoughts were of the ballgames

I would get to watch that day.

But as I stood a-waiting, from my lips there came a gasp,

As that big 2-liter bottle went slipping from my grasp!

It landed on the bottle cap! All jumped to the alert,

As that great big bottle started in to spin and spurt!

It spun around in circles and squirted to and fro,

And the ladies all were screaming, not knowing where to go.

‘Twas erupting like a geyser, leaving havoc in its trail,

And a bagboy ran in hot pursuit, alas, to no avail.

It whirly-gigged down aisle 3, a-building up in power,

And then returned down aisle 2 and sprinkled sacks of flour.

The children all were laughing at this astounding sight.

A little dog, outside the door, was barking with delight.

When at last the show was over, I stood in shocked distress.

All the shoppers legs were spattered with a brown and sticky mess.

The women were indignant. The men were just the same.

As I stood and prayed in silence,

“Please let no one know my name.”

The looks that I was getting made me fearful for my life.

If I get home in safety I will surely kill my wife!

I’ve had horses fall upon me. I have bailed out of a plane.

I’ve floated in a life raft upon the bounding main.

But the day that I’ll remember that brought the most distress

Was that day I squirted Pepsi up an old lady’s dress!

Carol Sagers 1987